Why

Here it is. I love music. I love expressing myself through it vocally and musically but it's always been with someone else's lyrics. I started working on this during Urbana '09 and it continued to develop as life went along up until this past week when I recorded it. It came out of a lot of frustration with sin. Not the sin like lying and murder, but the effects of sin that manifest in life being totally unfair. Everyone trying to do the right thing and hurting each other deeply in the process. I expect that in the world, but in the church? Christian to Christian? brother to brother? brother to sister? None of its right and it's all a confused mess. Everyone is hurting everyone. Here's the thing though, just because I don't understand what's going on or don't like what I see, just because I find myself mad at God doesn't change whether he exists or not. It doesn't change his character. He is still good. I still must live my life for him. God sees the world very differently than I do and all I can do is trust that he's making better decisions than I would make. Even the "undeserved" sicknesses, war, and starvation are the results of the fall, and while a lifetime of those things seems like forever, they are really only a drop next to the life after death. Obviously how I see different situations varies a lot over the course of 5 months. New things come up and other things fade so in the song we have some of those variations squeezed together in 5 minutes. In short, no I don't get it, yes I'm frustrated but there are things that I do know and I need to stand on those things even when I don't have the whole picture. I didn't realize that was ok until this year. God has come through again and again though. He cuts through the chaos and makes the right thing happen. It's just tough to not know the ending. The lyrics are below. I don't think there is much there that isn't straight forward and just saying clearly what I mean but hopefully this background gives you a better (though definitely not complete) picture of where this is coming from. By the way is a low quality video upload. The mp3 is much clearer (though still recorded by an amateur). Also the pic at the beginning of the video is from a church rooftop in Argentina. If I ever made a real album that would be the cover I'm thinking.


You are the answer
You are my answer
You are the one that I need
You are our answer
You are our king
you are the one that we need

I see the pain, I see the hurt, all around me
We search, we cry, we come short
This life is so unfair
We find, these broken pictures of your love,
but the distance, separating your love from the love that we see,
makes it hurt, tears our hearts, all the more

Where should we look
To whom can we turn

God this life, this confusion, is far beyond me
I give up
I give up
take my life
I won’t have it
I don’t want it anymore
but when the world was without form and void
you brought to order and you can do it again.
I need you I need you
Be my satisfaction

Towards you I will turn
To you My King I will turn

I want to, I need to understand
why God, I don’t see your plan
I cannot, go back on what I know
the pain doesn’t nullify the truth
I will live for you