Proper use of money has been on the mind a lot.
Mom loves me so she made and mailed cookies. Don't get me wrong. The cookies were great, but... shipping cost $8.75. That could have paid for two more batches of cookies. To be more efficient with her giving she could just Paypal me all that money and email me the recipe, then I could make them myself and have 3 times as much cookie love right?!
I think we all know that would kind of defeat the point. She didn't send those cookies in order for me to experience the maximum amount of delicious cookie possible (oatmeal cookies with white chocolate chips!). She sent them because she loves me and wanted me to feel her love despite being so far away. And yes, it worked. I felt quite loved when I came home and found them on my doorstep :) :) :D
Shipping cookies almost 600 miles is a mildly extravagant way to communicate love. It's the extravagance that carries the important part. When God works in us and through us, he wants to communicate his love to us, and he also wants to communicate his love through us to others. In both cases he likes to do so extravagantly. It's not always the most financially efficient or "responsible" way, but God has no shortage of resources so that's not something he has to concern himself with.
When we feed the poor, we could do so by buying bread and peanut butter in bulk, whipping up a bunch of sandwiches and then handing them out. Alternatively we could take a homeless man out to eat. Both approaches get the job done. One approach is financially responsible, while the other is not. One approach (the financially irresponsible one if it wasn't clear), shows extravagant love, while the other does not. Of course with the sandwiches you could impact more lives with the same amount of money, but at the same time, remember God has money, and when you follow his direction to take a homeless man out to eat, God will bless that and provide the means to make it happen again.
Maybe this addresses the concern of my previous post. Spend our money extravagantly on the pleasure of serving God, and because it is not a zero sum game, God can multiply our efforts and allow large impact.
hmm.. sorry, mind is spinning wildly so forgive the chaos. Maybe it's like this:
$10 feeds 2 people normally, or 1 person + extravagant love. I have $10 so the choice is between impacting 1 person or 2.
Wrong.
Because maybe, when I choose the 1, God redirects $50 my way so that I can actually impact 6 people extravagantly.
Sooo... I think the trick is being aware that this can happen. God likes operating like this. Most importantly though, just obey. Don't question God when he defies common sense and says to just impact the 1 because you never know what he has up his sleeve.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Regret
Matthew 6:19-21
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
In light of that, as our lives come towards their ends and we transition into eternity, will we regret the time wasted now on the eternally insignificant? (which things count as eternally significant would be another entire series of blog posts which I won't discuss right now). This clip from the end of Schindler's List portrays the regret of a man who did so much but could have done more. I don't know if he is right in reacting the way he does or not. He seems to ignore the joy he could have from saving hundreds of people, to focus on the 12 he lost, but actually that sounds a lot like the good shepherd leaving his 99 sheep, to search out the one who was lost.
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Heaven is this earth in the future, when God returns and redeems this earth bringing it back to the way things were at the garden of Eden before the fall of humanity (not some place up in the clouds where we play harps, or even just a big worship service). The idea of "being too heavenly focused to be any earthly good" is an idea that doesn't understand heaven and hasn't looked at the lives of history's most heavenly focused people. If life in heaven is basically life in a redeemed earth, then many of the things we enjoy here and now we can enjoy there. We don't need to waste our time getting as much pleasure today as we can. There will be time for that in eternity. Instead, seeing heaven ahead of us, we spend our time here doing the things we can't do in heaven; we rescue the world from sin, hopelessness, and brokenness. Spending our time amassing wealth does us no good. We leave it all behind. Redeemed lives though come into the new heaven and new earth with us. The stories of people who had clean water to drink because of our obedience to God will come to heaven with us.
I don't believe God's goal is for us to live our lives in misery, but I also can't imagine him being thrilled when we let the lives of others slip by as insignificant in comparison to the pleasures we want to have fulfilled now. I want to be able to justify spending money on me for things I like, but I'm struggling to put together any real argument that doesn't sound contrived, and just like an excuse to let me do what I want to do... I could have sponsored a child for a month with the $19 I spent at lunch today. There was value to my lunch with friends, but does it outweigh the alternative use of the money? I am struggling to beat this question.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Mind Spinning Again
"My mind is spinning" was first a phrase I started using when stuck trying to speak a foreign language for longer than normal, or when I had Spanish class right after German class for a few months in college.
Now it means I have a lot to think about, and that is definitely the case right now. I've been going to Highrock Church the past 6 weeks and it has my mind spinning faster than it has in quite some time. First by way of the "Stories" series on Sunday mornings in combination with a short course on telling your story in light of God's larger more important story. This was quickly followed by a retreat for recent grads on the relationship between work and faith. Learning how to be who God wants you to be and grow his Kingdom in the context of your work is no simple matter. Most recently was a course on finances, which is a topic near and dear to my heart but about which I have much to learn.
I think all three of those topics address related issues for me from different angles. Coupled with the major transition of moving cities and starting full time work, the question of the day is "What does living as a Christian look like for me today, tomorrow, and what might it look like in 10 or 20 years?"
Bahh, so much to think about, but all I want to do is work, eat, and sleep. I think this is healthy though.
Now it means I have a lot to think about, and that is definitely the case right now. I've been going to Highrock Church the past 6 weeks and it has my mind spinning faster than it has in quite some time. First by way of the "Stories" series on Sunday mornings in combination with a short course on telling your story in light of God's larger more important story. This was quickly followed by a retreat for recent grads on the relationship between work and faith. Learning how to be who God wants you to be and grow his Kingdom in the context of your work is no simple matter. Most recently was a course on finances, which is a topic near and dear to my heart but about which I have much to learn.
I think all three of those topics address related issues for me from different angles. Coupled with the major transition of moving cities and starting full time work, the question of the day is "What does living as a Christian look like for me today, tomorrow, and what might it look like in 10 or 20 years?"
Bahh, so much to think about, but all I want to do is work, eat, and sleep. I think this is healthy though.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Life Stages: Retreats
I've experienced lots of retreats and weekends to get away from the chaos of the day to day and focus on God. This weekend was another one with the young adults (mid twenties to early thirties) at Highrock Church. We were out on a lake in New Hampshire, and were sharing the camp with a large group of middle schoolers. Some basic observations:
- Camp rule: You must have been born in the 1900's to have coffee (cutting out a very disappointed half of the middle schoolers.
- Middle schoolers require 1 leader for every 5-7 students, in contrast to our group requiring 1 leader for our 50 young adults.
- College retreats were very structured with particular things set out to learn and do and come away with (different tracks with a curriculum etc). With the young adults, all that was needed was a speaker to provide some input, and then a space for us to talk to each other. That was enough to foster the most valuable conversations tailored by default to each of our needs.
I accidentally woke up at 6:30 the first morning and beat the sun. Morning photography on a lake is so cliché, and yet I always appreciate it. I went running through the orange forests later in the day, sadly without a camera. Love it.
There was a lot more to the retreat than beauty, but I'm still trying to wrap my head around it.
- Camp rule: You must have been born in the 1900's to have coffee (cutting out a very disappointed half of the middle schoolers.
- Middle schoolers require 1 leader for every 5-7 students, in contrast to our group requiring 1 leader for our 50 young adults.
- College retreats were very structured with particular things set out to learn and do and come away with (different tracks with a curriculum etc). With the young adults, all that was needed was a speaker to provide some input, and then a space for us to talk to each other. That was enough to foster the most valuable conversations tailored by default to each of our needs.
I accidentally woke up at 6:30 the first morning and beat the sun. Morning photography on a lake is so cliché, and yet I always appreciate it. I went running through the orange forests later in the day, sadly without a camera. Love it.
There was a lot more to the retreat than beauty, but I'm still trying to wrap my head around it.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Vegetables
Vegetarian. The stigma of the word is starting to wear off for me.
A few years ago it was something obscure and impractical for people who valued animal life more than human life, and were paranoid to the extreme (my view anyway). There are/were quite a number of other connotations that went along with it. It was far away from me. I remember being vegetarian for a day freshman year of college just to see what it was like, and it was basically miserable. I was hungry all day. My salad didn't fill me up.
A year later my dad had a heart attack. That only added to the bad heart health in my history. I began to pay attention to sodium, cholesterol, and saturated fat levels in my food. The days of lucky charms for breakfast, and Alfredo sauce at dinner were a thing of the past (mostly). I figured if I made small changes to my diet early, I wouldn't have to make the radical changes that people end up having to make to their diets post heart attack.
In Germany, I read Born to Run by Chris Mcdougall. One of the main characters was Scott Jurek, a vegan ultramarathon runner. My earlier vegetarian experiment had failed because I didn't know how to cook properly, and... I didn't like beans (and I hadn't even heard of quinoa yet). I had lunch meat on my sandwiches most of that year, because they were free and beggars can't be choosers, but I started experimenting with vegetarian dinners sometimes. I got used to the idea that a meal could still be a meal, even without meat.
I heard a TED Talk by Graham Hill about being a "weekday vegetarian." It intrigued me, because it was sort of what I was doing already. I had kind of decided that meat was fine and all, but that we eat too much of it, so I ate it just once or twice a week "on the weekends." Mostly I loved that I never got a food coma from vegetarian meals. I could pretty much eat and then go out on a long run a few minutes later - the time I needed to tie my shoes. Another term for that is being a "meat-reducer"
Then I discovered black bean burgers!
Others like the black bean burgers require an egg. Eating vegan meals is more challenging, and it's not a priority right now, but in my book, a vegan meal is a bonus I suppose. Maybe over time, the survival of the fittest in my recipe book will make me a vegan. I bought chocolate soy milk for the first time today. Of course it is a little bit pricey which makes it less convenient so I can't afford it all of the time right now.
So I don't know where this story will end. I suppose I am a vegetarian in denial, and may eventually find myself being a vegan in denial. I don't really know. This concludes a summary of a journey I never saw myself taking. I am not telling you to take it, though I appreciate having other people to bounce ideas off of, and if you are willing to accept that a meal without meat is still a meal, it will make it much easier for me to invite you into my home. My home is great. If I'm at your home, I will gladly eat your meat and I promise not to judge you. I care about you much more than I care about my diet. I value people high above animals.
That's all I have to say now.
A few years ago it was something obscure and impractical for people who valued animal life more than human life, and were paranoid to the extreme (my view anyway). There are/were quite a number of other connotations that went along with it. It was far away from me. I remember being vegetarian for a day freshman year of college just to see what it was like, and it was basically miserable. I was hungry all day. My salad didn't fill me up.
In Germany, I read Born to Run by Chris Mcdougall. One of the main characters was Scott Jurek, a vegan ultramarathon runner. My earlier vegetarian experiment had failed because I didn't know how to cook properly, and... I didn't like beans (and I hadn't even heard of quinoa yet). I had lunch meat on my sandwiches most of that year, because they were free and beggars can't be choosers, but I started experimenting with vegetarian dinners sometimes. I got used to the idea that a meal could still be a meal, even without meat.
I heard a TED Talk by Graham Hill about being a "weekday vegetarian." It intrigued me, because it was sort of what I was doing already. I had kind of decided that meat was fine and all, but that we eat too much of it, so I ate it just once or twice a week "on the weekends." Mostly I loved that I never got a food coma from vegetarian meals. I could pretty much eat and then go out on a long run a few minutes later - the time I needed to tie my shoes. Another term for that is being a "meat-reducer"
Then I discovered black bean burgers!
So much more flavor than a beef burger!
I eventually added fried rice made with tofu, and a couple variations of rice and beans, and reached a point where I was making all of my meals vegetarian. Pretty much the only time I ate meat was when others prepared the food, or sometimes in restaurants. Even those times though, I think I really ate the meat because I didn't want to be a vegetarian, because frankly... vegetarians annoy me. I didn't want to be associated with it, and so occasionally people would ask if I was vegetarian, and I would quickly reply, "no, I just don't eat a lot of meat," which was the truth. I suppose I don't like labels. The only label I take readily is that of "Christian" although even that label cannot be applied without an inner struggle.
Sustainability. Unlike some I don't fear running out of resources really, but I don't like being frivolous. I'm an engineer. I like efficiency. Nutrients come from the ground through plants which we can eat. If animals eat the plants and we eat the animals, it takes about seven times as much plant to get us our nutrients because of inefficiencies in the food chain. Of course, there are some areas that are good for animal grazing and not good for planting human food, so it goes both ways.
I read a section of a book called The China Study in which the premise was that yes, carcinogens cause cancer, but only in the presence of animal protein. Carcinogens are almost impossible to avoid entirely, but animal protein can be avoided. I only read a section, and a lot of it went over my head, but it was interesting. They did an in depth study of many regions in china because the government had a lot of data, and since people eat very locally, most people in the same county ate the same foods, so making correlations became easier, at least that was what I understood.
I started adding vegetarian meals to my week so slowly, that it wasn't really difficult at all. That brings an interesting phenomenon into play that is really obvious. If something is hard, you need a lot of motivation to do it, but if it's easy, you need very little. Since it was easy, I didn't need much motivation.
Healthwise, I have some decent motivation to eat less meat. Morally I take most of my cues from the Bible. In the Bible, God initially gave us only plants to eat, but after the fall of mankind he permitted the eating of animals, so I don't think eating meat is sinful. The Bible also says that all things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial (1 Corinthians 10). The context there is actually talking about eating meat offered to idols. At the same time, I think if we are fully capable of living with relative ease without needing to unnaturally raise and then kill animals, then there might be value to that. I know that in some areas of the world, they can only survive by living off of animals and I am totally okay with that, but in places where it's easy to avoid, I figure it's worth avoiding. I'm not sure where the dividing line is between easy and hard so I'm not going to make a moral judgement on the matter. It does intrigue me though that before the fall of man, we were vegetarian. Of course we were also naked... so I'm not suggesting we try and imitate that time period.
Some of my vegetarian meals are vegan like this amazing chili:
So I don't know where this story will end. I suppose I am a vegetarian in denial, and may eventually find myself being a vegan in denial. I don't really know. This concludes a summary of a journey I never saw myself taking. I am not telling you to take it, though I appreciate having other people to bounce ideas off of, and if you are willing to accept that a meal without meat is still a meal, it will make it much easier for me to invite you into my home. My home is great. If I'm at your home, I will gladly eat your meat and I promise not to judge you. I care about you much more than I care about my diet. I value people high above animals.
That's all I have to say now.
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
The Comparison Game: Facebook
I visited Reunion Church a couple Sundays back. It was the first church I visited in Boston. The pastor was sharing about how envy can rob our joy (think older brother of the prodigal son). We compare ourselves to others, and decide we want what they have. Facebook plays a role in this because we post the top 1% of the great things that happen to us. Relationships, new job, pictures of that awesome vacation, from your top 500 friends all in one newsfeed is bound to make you feel like you don't measure up.
My first thought was that we should counter that by posted all sorts of different things, not just the "good" things. Then I realized, some people already do that, and I find those posts annoying. There's something about sharing things that are going wrong just out into the open that makes me uncomfortable. I don't mean me doing it makes me uncomfortable, I mean when other people do. I then realized it's because it breaks the rule of our culture. "How are you doing?" "Fine." or "Great!"
It seems so superficial, because so often it is, but I'm not quite sure the alternative. I feel like we need a small core group of friends who we share the hurts and pains with, and for everyone else, we just practically don't have time to unload everything that is wrong all the time. We interact with so many different people each day, and with facebook that number gets scary high. So you just have a filtered down version of yourself. The elevator speech that tells everyone everything they need to know about you in 30 seconds. You only have time to show good things, so it's settled.
Just remember when you look at facebook, it's not the full story (privacy still exists kind of). Their life has good things, and so does yours. Theirs has bad things, but they're just not sharing it to the whole world.
Don't compare, just pick a few things going well in your life and enjoy them.
My first thought was that we should counter that by posted all sorts of different things, not just the "good" things. Then I realized, some people already do that, and I find those posts annoying. There's something about sharing things that are going wrong just out into the open that makes me uncomfortable. I don't mean me doing it makes me uncomfortable, I mean when other people do. I then realized it's because it breaks the rule of our culture. "How are you doing?" "Fine." or "Great!"
It seems so superficial, because so often it is, but I'm not quite sure the alternative. I feel like we need a small core group of friends who we share the hurts and pains with, and for everyone else, we just practically don't have time to unload everything that is wrong all the time. We interact with so many different people each day, and with facebook that number gets scary high. So you just have a filtered down version of yourself. The elevator speech that tells everyone everything they need to know about you in 30 seconds. You only have time to show good things, so it's settled.
Just remember when you look at facebook, it's not the full story (privacy still exists kind of). Their life has good things, and so does yours. Theirs has bad things, but they're just not sharing it to the whole world.
Don't compare, just pick a few things going well in your life and enjoy them.
Boston Drivers (beep! beep!)
I've been commuting to work every day by bike so I've seen lots of Boston drivers up close and personal in my month in Boston so far. At first I just thought they were mean, but now I'm starting to understand their system.
There are two kinds of honk and they go as follows.
Mean Honk:
Beeeeeeeep! You @$$hole!!!
Nice Honk:
Beep. Beep.
If know swearing is audible after the honk, I assume they have the best of intentions.
So here's the cool system. You know how obnoxious it is to sit at a light and have to constantly stare at it so you know when it turns? Well in Boston, there is one person on alert who honks their horn politely the instant the light turns so that all the other drivers know to go even if they weren't looking. At first I thought the person doing that was just really impatient, but now I consider them considerate for watching out for everyone. I think sometimes it's maybe even the person at the front who beeps to make sure everyone behind them knows to go. Maybe...
That's my optimistic theory anyway. Who knows.
There are two kinds of honk and they go as follows.
Mean Honk:
Beeeeeeeep! You @$$hole!!!
Nice Honk:
Beep. Beep.
If know swearing is audible after the honk, I assume they have the best of intentions.
So here's the cool system. You know how obnoxious it is to sit at a light and have to constantly stare at it so you know when it turns? Well in Boston, there is one person on alert who honks their horn politely the instant the light turns so that all the other drivers know to go even if they weren't looking. At first I thought the person doing that was just really impatient, but now I consider them considerate for watching out for everyone. I think sometimes it's maybe even the person at the front who beeps to make sure everyone behind them knows to go. Maybe...
That's my optimistic theory anyway. Who knows.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
A Connecting Addicted Society
This summer has been an interesting time for me. It was the first time living by myself with internet. I had a lot of time on my own, and that meant a lot of time wasted on the internet. The internet is amazing and valuable and often I have things I need to do or learn or share via the internet. I think that's great. I noticed a problem though; I was almost always up to date on everything facebook decided to send to my home page. I'd get home from class and scroll down and down and down, until I realized I was reading the things I'd seen before I went to class. Then I'd go over to blogspot to see if anyone had posted anything, then I'd go back to facebook, and see the 2 new entries on my home page. Then I'd close my laptop and go eat some yogurt. Then I'd pull up facebook, and see another new entry... Wow, getting addicted. I recently started turning off my laptop when I'm not using it, so I wouldn't be so tempted to "just pull up facebook real quick." I still think facebook is an AMAZING tool, and I have no intention of deleting my account any time soon. It's very effective for coordinating activities amongst friends, and sharing visually, what exciting thing happened recently. People complain about it's narcissistic nature, but I don't think that's what it is (necessarily). No, I don't care that you just made the best spaghetti ever, but I do care that you visited Letchworth State Park, and I think you can describe the beauty better by sharing photos than in a conversation. I care about you, and want to know what you're experiencing. That said, it should be a supplement to real life interactions, not a replacement.
On a related note; smartphones.
Before I go into this, I realize you probably own a smartphone. I am not attacking you (necessarily). But if your life looks like this video, yes, I think you have a problem, and you need to figure out a solution.
So for me, the real hindrance in getting a smartphone is the price. It would cost me an extra $40 a month adding up to $480 a year. I'd rather buy this bicycle:
I could buy it in a new color every year. Or I could save for retirement... less fun, but important.
But anyway, even if it were a financially viable option, I still like to think I wouldn't have one. Since I don't need instant access to email for work, I think checking my personal email 3 times a day is more than enough (and I have a very nice laptop on which I can check it). Facebook... well we've already decided that I don't need to check that more often. GPS; that could be nice, but... still not worth it. I'm moving to Boston, known to be difficult to navigate. So, I just look up where I'm going before I go. Once, when visiting my cousin, I made a mistake and couldn't figure out where to go, so I called him and we sorted it out quickly and easily. I expect my first few weeks in Boston will be a little chaotic, but after cycling all the back roads by memory instead of GPS, I think I'll know the city better than anyone. I think that will be really fun and I'm looking forward to that.
Smartphones do have their advantages, which is why so many people have them. I basically had one for a few years in college (iPod touch and wifi everywhere), and it got me a note taking job (though ironically it also caused me to pay less attention in class), and when you are out on vacation exploring a new city, it can make things so much simpler. If you need it for work, that totally makes sense. These advantages just don't seem that great to me though, and I know I'd have a hard time not being addicted to it. That video makes me sad, and I want to say thank you to those of you with smartphones and self-control. For those of us with average self-control, think twice about whether you want to keep the internet in your pocket. For that matter, I think we should think twice about most things.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Stepping into Inequality
I grew up in a private Christian school. I knew there were richer families and poorer families, but everyone there had the money to send their kids to a private school.
I grew up in the suburbs. In the suburbs there is poverty but it's invisible.
I went to Argentina, and I suppose everyone was poor, so you didn't really notice that anyone was.
I went to university. College students spend money like they're rich. They tend to spend based on the lifestyle they expect to have when they graduate and are making lots of money (they hope).
Then I graduated, along with all my peers, and we walked into cities where the rich and the poor stand side by side. They sit across from each other in the park, and bump into each other on the train.
It's strange. The poor aren't invisible. They're very close.
I found myself wishing I had a bike. At first I just wanted to get around fast. I don't like to wait, or walk. Later I wanted it because people don't ask you for 50¢ when you're on a bike.
It's strange. I suppose I won't be able to ignore them anymore.
Well, I could probably get over it if I tried, but I don't think God wants me to "get over it."
I grew up in the suburbs. In the suburbs there is poverty but it's invisible.
I went to Argentina, and I suppose everyone was poor, so you didn't really notice that anyone was.
I went to university. College students spend money like they're rich. They tend to spend based on the lifestyle they expect to have when they graduate and are making lots of money (they hope).
Then I graduated, along with all my peers, and we walked into cities where the rich and the poor stand side by side. They sit across from each other in the park, and bump into each other on the train.
It's strange. The poor aren't invisible. They're very close.
I found myself wishing I had a bike. At first I just wanted to get around fast. I don't like to wait, or walk. Later I wanted it because people don't ask you for 50¢ when you're on a bike.
It's strange. I suppose I won't be able to ignore them anymore.
Well, I could probably get over it if I tried, but I don't think God wants me to "get over it."
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Oh Dear! I need a place to live! (blog post #200)
I don’t know why I’m surprised when God's amazing anymore. I'm moving to Boston for work starting in September. Getting housing taken care of, was the last detail I felt I had little control over and of course that made me nervous. I sent emails out to at least 15 adds on craigslist (plus follow up emails to most), with no replies. I only had one lead that I had gotten from posting my bio on the Park Ave Church housing forum. I had days to spend in Boston and expected to look at 5-10 places during my stay, but only had one lead. I set that up for the first evening hoping it was a good one, because I was out of ideas of how to get more. Even asking for help from the locals (friends, cousins, and YWAM) didn’t yield anything promising.
So I went out the area where the apartment was about an hour early. I explored the area and it seemed delightful, with the shopping, and the park, and the semi-quiet neighborhood with many young international families. As I’m waiting, I mention to a friend in Boston where I was looking. "the house is on Wilson St. by the park, and near the Stop and Shop," I said. Turns out she used to go by the street regularly, and that street sign was her reminder to pray for me. That begins to ease my worries as I remember that God is looking out for me, just as he was when he got me the job a few weeks earlier. I go in and the house is clean and spacious. My room is at the front with large bay windows. It turns out I’m allowed to put hooks in the wall to hang my bike from :) it also has a basement for storing extra bikes. Also turns out one of my roommates is familiar with YWAM and some of the people there that I've know since I was young. To make it perfect, it's on the market for well under it's market value. My potential roommates say they’ll get back to me in 48 hours. They’ve already interviewed one person, and then have one more the next day. Ends up, they call me back an hour later to say I have the spot. God is good. I can rest secure in him. I am more than thrilled with my first apartment in Boston. Now that that's settled, I have the rest of the week to enjoy Boston.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
God Called Me To...
Calling is a crazy thing. The American Christian perspective, mixed with the perspective of this generation has been the birthing ground of a belief that I find intriguing, but which many people question. Calling, God's plan for your life, your destiny, predestination, are all words that relate to the topic, and about which people have varying opinions on. When people claim that God has a particular plan for your life there are two reactions people commonly have. People are either excited about how God is going to use them to change the world, or people are scared that they will miss God's calling for their life. This applies in all sorts of areas, but I will stick to how calling affects your career in this entry.
Many people in my generation have watched their parents work long hours for decades at jobs they don't like to make a little more money to make ends meet (sometimes for needs and sometimes for wants). It doesn't really matter what the money was needed for, I think my generation is terrified of devoting so much time to something they do not love. It's not worth it! When you add in what we were taught growing up ("you can be anything you set your heart to be!"), we end up in a position where we want to love our jobs, and if we do not, we have failed. That goes for the whole generation. Christians take the same thing and spin it up a bit. God is calling you to a job that you are passionate about, good at, and makes this world look more like he wanted it to be.
From there, some people decide to just pick their job based on those 3 criteria, assuming that if it meets those, that must be where God is calling them. For these people, you learn to understand God and yourself, and then you figure out what to do based on that knowledge. Of course you also pray that God guides you, and then whenever you find something fitting, you can claim that's where God wants you to be. You've found your calling. For this person, perhaps there are hundreds of different opportunities that are equally good from God's perspective. Just take the one you like and it'll be fine.
Another perspective is that you ask God where to go, and he tells you rather bluntly and specifically, probably after weeks, months, or years of prayer and fasting. Maybe it's something you like and excel at, and maybe it's not. If you hear God and follow it, you are in his will, but if you miss it, you're in sin, devoting your life to things God never intended you to do.
By my word choice, you can probably guess that I think these views are extreme and over simplified, and that my perspective is somewhere in the middle. I do believe God made us a certain way with certain gifts and abilities and we are to use them for him. Think of the parable of the talents. On the other hand, I do think God calls us sometimes to do things we do not want to do, and do not have the ability to do or do well. Think of every martyr ever, and also king Saul. I also think God speaks to us clearly today. He did in the Bible, and I do not think that's changed.
Imagine you have the option of 10 career paths, I believe you have the potential to honor or dishonor God with every single one of them. I also think though, that some of them have better opportunity for impacting the world for God's kingdom. Impact is hard for us to measure, but I think God can measure it. He probably has a metric like "number of people interacted with" times "number of people saved" times "percent personal spiritual growth" divided by "the ultimate good". I believe he also somehow knows the future. Not sure if he knows potential futures, or only the actual future, or how that works, but I am certain, he is better qualified to decide which of those 10 career paths is best for us to take than we are. So what does that mean to me?
Ask him!
"God, what should I do? I would like to do this or that, but I don't know the implications of making that choice."
From there, I think God responds in any number of ways, but most often his method of response is such that it is sufficient for us to make the choice with relative confidence that we are doing what God thinks is best. If God wants me to be a coal miner, and that makes no sense to me, he's going to have to slam some other doors in my face. I'd need rejection letters from every other job I applied to, and a friend to come up to me out of no where and suggest I apply at the coal mine his uncle owns. On the other hand, if God is calling me to something I would like to do, and I'm already familiar with his voice, a gentle whisper may be all I need.
All this said, if I hear God wrong? I do not believe that is a sin. If he wants me to make shoes, but I make bikes instead, I might miss a great opportunity I would have had, but there will be other opportunities in bikes. God is not spiteful to his children. If we miss what he's saying, it will not be the end of the world. We do not have to panic. We just need to continue to seek God and take our next steps based on what he is saying at the time.
Oh and guess what?! Sometimes, I believe there are multiple good options. You ask God what to do and he doesn't get back to you on which one is better. Sometimes God just says, "those are both terrific opportunities. Pick whichever you prefer!"
Anyways, much of this has to do with how clearly you believe God speaks today. If your God is relatively silent, you are forced towards the first picture I painted. If you believe God does speak to you, it would seem strange to me, that he would ignore the topic of career as a rule.
I'm in the thick of all this right now. I have experienced a lot in the last months. I'll save the personal story for when the story has a conclusion (hopefully in the next few weeks!). I'll just leave it for now and say, I'm fairly confident where God wants me to be, and I love that feeling.
Many people in my generation have watched their parents work long hours for decades at jobs they don't like to make a little more money to make ends meet (sometimes for needs and sometimes for wants). It doesn't really matter what the money was needed for, I think my generation is terrified of devoting so much time to something they do not love. It's not worth it! When you add in what we were taught growing up ("you can be anything you set your heart to be!"), we end up in a position where we want to love our jobs, and if we do not, we have failed. That goes for the whole generation. Christians take the same thing and spin it up a bit. God is calling you to a job that you are passionate about, good at, and makes this world look more like he wanted it to be.
From there, some people decide to just pick their job based on those 3 criteria, assuming that if it meets those, that must be where God is calling them. For these people, you learn to understand God and yourself, and then you figure out what to do based on that knowledge. Of course you also pray that God guides you, and then whenever you find something fitting, you can claim that's where God wants you to be. You've found your calling. For this person, perhaps there are hundreds of different opportunities that are equally good from God's perspective. Just take the one you like and it'll be fine.
Another perspective is that you ask God where to go, and he tells you rather bluntly and specifically, probably after weeks, months, or years of prayer and fasting. Maybe it's something you like and excel at, and maybe it's not. If you hear God and follow it, you are in his will, but if you miss it, you're in sin, devoting your life to things God never intended you to do.
By my word choice, you can probably guess that I think these views are extreme and over simplified, and that my perspective is somewhere in the middle. I do believe God made us a certain way with certain gifts and abilities and we are to use them for him. Think of the parable of the talents. On the other hand, I do think God calls us sometimes to do things we do not want to do, and do not have the ability to do or do well. Think of every martyr ever, and also king Saul. I also think God speaks to us clearly today. He did in the Bible, and I do not think that's changed.
Imagine you have the option of 10 career paths, I believe you have the potential to honor or dishonor God with every single one of them. I also think though, that some of them have better opportunity for impacting the world for God's kingdom. Impact is hard for us to measure, but I think God can measure it. He probably has a metric like "number of people interacted with" times "number of people saved" times "percent personal spiritual growth" divided by "the ultimate good". I believe he also somehow knows the future. Not sure if he knows potential futures, or only the actual future, or how that works, but I am certain, he is better qualified to decide which of those 10 career paths is best for us to take than we are. So what does that mean to me?
Ask him!
"God, what should I do? I would like to do this or that, but I don't know the implications of making that choice."
From there, I think God responds in any number of ways, but most often his method of response is such that it is sufficient for us to make the choice with relative confidence that we are doing what God thinks is best. If God wants me to be a coal miner, and that makes no sense to me, he's going to have to slam some other doors in my face. I'd need rejection letters from every other job I applied to, and a friend to come up to me out of no where and suggest I apply at the coal mine his uncle owns. On the other hand, if God is calling me to something I would like to do, and I'm already familiar with his voice, a gentle whisper may be all I need.
All this said, if I hear God wrong? I do not believe that is a sin. If he wants me to make shoes, but I make bikes instead, I might miss a great opportunity I would have had, but there will be other opportunities in bikes. God is not spiteful to his children. If we miss what he's saying, it will not be the end of the world. We do not have to panic. We just need to continue to seek God and take our next steps based on what he is saying at the time.
Oh and guess what?! Sometimes, I believe there are multiple good options. You ask God what to do and he doesn't get back to you on which one is better. Sometimes God just says, "those are both terrific opportunities. Pick whichever you prefer!"
Anyways, much of this has to do with how clearly you believe God speaks today. If your God is relatively silent, you are forced towards the first picture I painted. If you believe God does speak to you, it would seem strange to me, that he would ignore the topic of career as a rule.
I'm in the thick of all this right now. I have experienced a lot in the last months. I'll save the personal story for when the story has a conclusion (hopefully in the next few weeks!). I'll just leave it for now and say, I'm fairly confident where God wants me to be, and I love that feeling.
Friday, June 7, 2013
Presently Living In The Future
This is a peculiar summer. I am here in Rochester taking very few classes with much time to spend on whatever I please. It may be my last few months here, and I spend much time preparing for where I will be next. I am a planner, always prepared, and so when the future is not settled I have a strong tendency to focus my efforts on getting it cleared up.
Well it has come to my attention that it is currently the present, and not actually the future yet, and that the present is ever slipping away. I was reading 1 Thessalonians chapters 4 and 5 about the second return of Jesus Christ, coming when least expected. I realized my way of approaching time assumes that I will have many year ahead of me. I pray about how God will use me in the future, and what I'm called to, and how I will change the world in my career, and in a new city and all these things, at the expense of making an impact today, here, now. Given the uncertainty of the future, I now believe it inappropriate to throw away the present for the sake of the future. While graduation is coming quickly, and there are some things I need to settle, I also need to answer some questions about the present, and they are more urgent (as they pertain to the present).
- What does God want to do through me in the lives of RIT students?
- What does God want to do through me at my church (Mosaic)?
He who is faithful in little, will also be faithful in much. I think the present is the little and the future is the much (as it has the potential to become).
Well it has come to my attention that it is currently the present, and not actually the future yet, and that the present is ever slipping away. I was reading 1 Thessalonians chapters 4 and 5 about the second return of Jesus Christ, coming when least expected. I realized my way of approaching time assumes that I will have many year ahead of me. I pray about how God will use me in the future, and what I'm called to, and how I will change the world in my career, and in a new city and all these things, at the expense of making an impact today, here, now. Given the uncertainty of the future, I now believe it inappropriate to throw away the present for the sake of the future. While graduation is coming quickly, and there are some things I need to settle, I also need to answer some questions about the present, and they are more urgent (as they pertain to the present).
- What does God want to do through me in the lives of RIT students?
- What does God want to do through me at my church (Mosaic)?
He who is faithful in little, will also be faithful in much. I think the present is the little and the future is the much (as it has the potential to become).
Monday, February 11, 2013
Theology of (my) Work
I heard a talk at Urbana called "Theology of Work" and it discussed God's plan for work and how we serve God in our work and how we can follow God just as radically as engineers as pastors. Good talk - except - when asked, the speaker concluded that there was no place in Christendom, or anyway for Christians to justify using their talents for fashion design or, specific to my question, for footwear development. He didn't realize it, because really it was a question he'd never thought about, but his whole talk previous to that had actually supported such work by Christians. I want to use this space below to explain how I my work as a footwear developer can be in God's perfect will for my life. I will talk very specific to my case, but many of the principles can be broadly applied.
THEOLOGY OF WORK:
- We were built to create value (this is what the speaker used to bash fashion - no value added)
- Work for the common good (this is where sustainability comes in)
- Work in community
- Relate to God through act of working
Those were the 4 main points from the talk and I didn't write verses for them because I didn't think it was that controversial at the time. After the fall, the first point was expanded from simply creating value, to also restoring and fixing the broken.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?
When picking where I should work, there are 3 things to look at (which I had thought of months before on my own...):
- What does this world need to look more like heaven?
- What are my gifts and skills?
- What are my dreams and desires?
The common answer to those 3 questions is a good place for you to start looking, but definitely not the be all end all.
Now that we're through the background, here are my specific thoughts.
THEOLOGY OF FOOTWEAR DEVELOPMENT:
Working as a footwear developer definitely fits in with my skills and my passion. The harder questions are, "how does this help people?" and, "does it need to help people?" and, "does it create value?"
God created us. His creation was "good." His creation was beautiful. I won't go into this, but I think being beautiful is in and of itself already justification enough for something to exist and have value, even if that was all it was good for. Captivating by John and Stasi Eldrege discusses this in depth.
Another thing I'd like to point out is that proper Christianity is not dualistic. We sometimes operate under the assumption that the physical is bad and that the spiritual is good. Not true. God created a physical universe and it was good. Just because an item seems purely material with no intrinsic, spiritual benefits says nothing to how good or bad the item is.
When God created this beautiful creation, he made animals in all sort of bright colors to attract mates. For millennia, cultures around the world have recognized different visual cues or appearances as admirable. Many of the aspect of our appearance that we control are simply ways to express outwardly, different things about how we are inwardly. It is really amazing and cool that we are able to make these associations and effectively communicate simply with a new look. Modern shoes are an excellent way to express things about yourself. This is even easier now with brand image. I can express things about what lifestyle I value simply by wearing PUMA red racing shoes in contrast to the newest Nike Jordans. These things are all good. Yes, they can all be distorted, and used for evil. Just because something can be used for evil, does not make the thing bad. Let's follow up on that.
One of my biggest concerns with footwear is the obsession people make it. Materialism takes over us and we make idols from our footwear, especially expensive footwear. Take a look at this music video from Macklemore that covers this topic. Brilliantly done. This is seriously wrong. This world is a mess. Footwear companies rise and stand on the sinful obsessions of the consumers. This is an incomplete thought though. Your obsession may be sinful, but you can enjoy footwear without sinning. The company doesn't make that distinction though, that's up to you. Not only can you enjoy the product without sinning; many use the product and need the product, and don't even think about or care about the product. We all wear shoes. Moving past those people though, the real problem is when your obsessive desire pulls your finances, or your thoughts away from where God wants them to be. From my personal experience, there are times when God says, "Ryan, go ahead. That's a nice pair of shoes, and you'll appreciate them. I know your heart is in the right place. Go ahead and buy them." There are also a lot of times when I'd like to get a pair and God says, "no Ryan, I'd rather you didn't invest in those. I have other plans right now." Submitting our material possessions to God is a good litmus test of his importance in our lives. There have been times when I was ready to by an $80 pair of shoes and God stops me saying, "nope Ryan, not this time, but since you're so ready to part with that money, why don't you give it to support this missionary?" I've been able to pull back and do what God said. Every time this happens I know, that at least for that day, God has the number 1 place in my life. As long as God has the first place in my life, I can work with shoes. When those positions get reversed, I had best get as far away from shoes as possible.
SIDE NOTES:
- The footwear world is a small world that I can reach while many other Christians can't.
- Performance footwear helps people to stay active and take care of their bodies (which God values).
- Many footwear companies manufacture and sell their products globally, allowing me to make a global impact, hopefully for Christ.
- A "normal" job is an opportunity to make lots of money and give lots of money. There's a lot of needs and I want to help the church meet those needs. The question is: am I doing this job for God or for me? Answer that honestly.
CONCLUSION:
This was a little scattered - accurately reflecting what it looked like in my head before it spilled out. Working is good. Shoes are good. Beauty is good. Quality is good. Many of these things have been corrupted and make bad, but God can redeem all things. Christians in every sector can make this happen through trust and obedience to God. We simply cannot use a career as a copout to living a typical life. We are still called by God. Dependent on him. Live his will, and his life, not mine.
That's all.
THEOLOGY OF WORK:
- We were built to create value (this is what the speaker used to bash fashion - no value added)
- Work for the common good (this is where sustainability comes in)
- Work in community
- Relate to God through act of working
Those were the 4 main points from the talk and I didn't write verses for them because I didn't think it was that controversial at the time. After the fall, the first point was expanded from simply creating value, to also restoring and fixing the broken.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?
When picking where I should work, there are 3 things to look at (which I had thought of months before on my own...):
- What does this world need to look more like heaven?
- What are my gifts and skills?
- What are my dreams and desires?
The common answer to those 3 questions is a good place for you to start looking, but definitely not the be all end all.
Now that we're through the background, here are my specific thoughts.
THEOLOGY OF FOOTWEAR DEVELOPMENT:
Working as a footwear developer definitely fits in with my skills and my passion. The harder questions are, "how does this help people?" and, "does it need to help people?" and, "does it create value?"
God created us. His creation was "good." His creation was beautiful. I won't go into this, but I think being beautiful is in and of itself already justification enough for something to exist and have value, even if that was all it was good for. Captivating by John and Stasi Eldrege discusses this in depth.
Another thing I'd like to point out is that proper Christianity is not dualistic. We sometimes operate under the assumption that the physical is bad and that the spiritual is good. Not true. God created a physical universe and it was good. Just because an item seems purely material with no intrinsic, spiritual benefits says nothing to how good or bad the item is.
When God created this beautiful creation, he made animals in all sort of bright colors to attract mates. For millennia, cultures around the world have recognized different visual cues or appearances as admirable. Many of the aspect of our appearance that we control are simply ways to express outwardly, different things about how we are inwardly. It is really amazing and cool that we are able to make these associations and effectively communicate simply with a new look. Modern shoes are an excellent way to express things about yourself. This is even easier now with brand image. I can express things about what lifestyle I value simply by wearing PUMA red racing shoes in contrast to the newest Nike Jordans. These things are all good. Yes, they can all be distorted, and used for evil. Just because something can be used for evil, does not make the thing bad. Let's follow up on that.
One of my biggest concerns with footwear is the obsession people make it. Materialism takes over us and we make idols from our footwear, especially expensive footwear. Take a look at this music video from Macklemore that covers this topic. Brilliantly done. This is seriously wrong. This world is a mess. Footwear companies rise and stand on the sinful obsessions of the consumers. This is an incomplete thought though. Your obsession may be sinful, but you can enjoy footwear without sinning. The company doesn't make that distinction though, that's up to you. Not only can you enjoy the product without sinning; many use the product and need the product, and don't even think about or care about the product. We all wear shoes. Moving past those people though, the real problem is when your obsessive desire pulls your finances, or your thoughts away from where God wants them to be. From my personal experience, there are times when God says, "Ryan, go ahead. That's a nice pair of shoes, and you'll appreciate them. I know your heart is in the right place. Go ahead and buy them." There are also a lot of times when I'd like to get a pair and God says, "no Ryan, I'd rather you didn't invest in those. I have other plans right now." Submitting our material possessions to God is a good litmus test of his importance in our lives. There have been times when I was ready to by an $80 pair of shoes and God stops me saying, "nope Ryan, not this time, but since you're so ready to part with that money, why don't you give it to support this missionary?" I've been able to pull back and do what God said. Every time this happens I know, that at least for that day, God has the number 1 place in my life. As long as God has the first place in my life, I can work with shoes. When those positions get reversed, I had best get as far away from shoes as possible.
SIDE NOTES:
- The footwear world is a small world that I can reach while many other Christians can't.
- Performance footwear helps people to stay active and take care of their bodies (which God values).
- Many footwear companies manufacture and sell their products globally, allowing me to make a global impact, hopefully for Christ.
- A "normal" job is an opportunity to make lots of money and give lots of money. There's a lot of needs and I want to help the church meet those needs. The question is: am I doing this job for God or for me? Answer that honestly.
CONCLUSION:
This was a little scattered - accurately reflecting what it looked like in my head before it spilled out. Working is good. Shoes are good. Beauty is good. Quality is good. Many of these things have been corrupted and make bad, but God can redeem all things. Christians in every sector can make this happen through trust and obedience to God. We simply cannot use a career as a copout to living a typical life. We are still called by God. Dependent on him. Live his will, and his life, not mine.
That's all.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Glory to God
Over a year ago I was climbing and I damaged my rotator cuff (shoulder). The pain wasn't too intense but it lingered and limited what I could do (climbing, swimming, volleyball, pulling shirts up over my head) for roughly 9 months before the problem slowly faded away. Shortly before Christmas I started feeling it again mildly. Over break, my brother convinced me to try bench pressing 200lb without a warmup, which is definitely above my max, and then we did these weird behind the head pull-ups Shoulder starts hurting a bit more. I still rock climb though the pain is mounting a little bit. On Friday, about two weeks after the lift, my shoulder began to hurt more and more over the course of the day. That afternoon I was struggling to pull my shoe laces tight. By that evening, I could barely ride a bike. By that night, I stopped using the shoulder muscle altogether. When I needed to use my right arm I had to reach across with my left hand, grab my right arm and move it manually. Saturday it felt no different.
Sunday was just as bad, I cringed when I put soap under my arm in the shower. I then had to use my left arm to lift my right arm over my head to wash it off. Even that passive movement made me wince. I struggled through eating my cereal left handed, then went out the door to church. I shifted into drive with my left hand (mind you this is an American, not a British car). I did manage to turn the key in the ignition right handed, but then I drove entirely left handed to church. Thank goodness it wasn't a manual! When I arrived I had to pull the key out of the ignition left handed.
I assumed at this point that I had a partial tear in my rotator cuff. If it were torn through then I don't believe I'd be able to move my arm at all. In my case I could move it, just under severe pain. If I tore through I'd have to get surgery requiring 3 to 4 weeks of complete immobilization of the joint, followed by another 6 months before being back close to normal. I did my best to keep my shoulder still so it could heal on its own, but even through 2 nights there seemed to be no progress. Back to our story.
I went and found a seat as the service began. That day at church, there were 3 in depth testimonies being shared. One gentleman shared a story of his life that I related to a lot. Larry was a physicist and quite clever. Belief was difficult for him because he was always trying to explain things away and came to doubt very often. Well in college he became a Christian through praying with a televangelist of all things (he has since moved beyond them, and to clarify, I didn't relate to this part of the story particularly). Now Larry had achilles tendonitis and it was slowly getting worse until he was at the point of hobbling around. I actually struggled with the same thing in Germany. It takes months to recover from. He had heard God could heal, but was hesitant to ask for it because God had more important things to do. Maybe after everyone had been healed of cancer he could ask. As he was watching his televangelist friend again he felt God speak to him saying in three "puffs" very clearly, "Nothing is to small for me," "I can heal your tendonitis," "Just have faith." Larry began to pray, and at that point the televangelist (as expected) called out that there was someone with a heel problem that needed to be healed (look, it's a pun). And God healed him right then and there. He still didn't understand why God would heal him in particular in that instance and asked God for years. 7 years later, God answered. God said that if he hadn't healed him then, then Larry would have never made it that far in his Christian walk. In those times of doubts, that healing was always an anchor for him that he could turn back to and know that God was real and loved him and healed him. As Larry shared, and I thought of myself, I thought, "God, how cool would it be if you did something similar in my life!" I felt God say, though not particularly clearly, "Go get prayer from the prayer team after the service."
Now atheists are quick to point out that anecdotal evidence for the existence of God (or anything else) is not valid as proof and they are correct. Our senses deceive us all the time. I'd heard lots of stories of healing, but they were all second hand accounts, and while I figured they were probably true, they left me wondering. A first hand experience with healing means so much more to me (though of course you as the reader only have a second hand account, sorry). I'd prayed for healings before with no success. I don't understand why God heals sometimes, and not at others. This is a particularly important time of my life though to have that anchor, so maybe that's reason for God to work this time.
I got up after the service and went for prayer with my arm still aching. Kim prayed for me for a few minutes, then stops and asks if it's better. I moved my shoulder all around and it suddenly didn't hurt anymore. I raised my arm over my head like I'd tried in the shower that morning and it didn't hurt at all. Upon further investigation I found that there were still some directions that invoked mild pain. It was like God rewound the shoulder back to it's status on Friday morning before it got serious. I don't really get that, but I can't complain. It was drastic enough and sudden enough of a change that I know it wasn't natural. I expected it to slowly fade of the course of the next week or 2. Maybe in some cases, pain goes away rather suddenly (and naturally), but that it would happen during the 3 minutes we prayed for it? Very suspicious.
I'm honestly not certain if this thought came from me or from God. Perhaps the lingering pain is a reminder to tell other people about it so the word gets out and this impacts other people too. Maybe after I've shared this where I needed to, the pain will leave entirely. Who knows? I don't claim to understand God entirely, nor healing. I would love to, but I don't.
I am so thankful to God this week. Place your trust in him. He is worth your everything.
Sunday was just as bad, I cringed when I put soap under my arm in the shower. I then had to use my left arm to lift my right arm over my head to wash it off. Even that passive movement made me wince. I struggled through eating my cereal left handed, then went out the door to church. I shifted into drive with my left hand (mind you this is an American, not a British car). I did manage to turn the key in the ignition right handed, but then I drove entirely left handed to church. Thank goodness it wasn't a manual! When I arrived I had to pull the key out of the ignition left handed.
I assumed at this point that I had a partial tear in my rotator cuff. If it were torn through then I don't believe I'd be able to move my arm at all. In my case I could move it, just under severe pain. If I tore through I'd have to get surgery requiring 3 to 4 weeks of complete immobilization of the joint, followed by another 6 months before being back close to normal. I did my best to keep my shoulder still so it could heal on its own, but even through 2 nights there seemed to be no progress. Back to our story.
I went and found a seat as the service began. That day at church, there were 3 in depth testimonies being shared. One gentleman shared a story of his life that I related to a lot. Larry was a physicist and quite clever. Belief was difficult for him because he was always trying to explain things away and came to doubt very often. Well in college he became a Christian through praying with a televangelist of all things (he has since moved beyond them, and to clarify, I didn't relate to this part of the story particularly). Now Larry had achilles tendonitis and it was slowly getting worse until he was at the point of hobbling around. I actually struggled with the same thing in Germany. It takes months to recover from. He had heard God could heal, but was hesitant to ask for it because God had more important things to do. Maybe after everyone had been healed of cancer he could ask. As he was watching his televangelist friend again he felt God speak to him saying in three "puffs" very clearly, "Nothing is to small for me," "I can heal your tendonitis," "Just have faith." Larry began to pray, and at that point the televangelist (as expected) called out that there was someone with a heel problem that needed to be healed (look, it's a pun). And God healed him right then and there. He still didn't understand why God would heal him in particular in that instance and asked God for years. 7 years later, God answered. God said that if he hadn't healed him then, then Larry would have never made it that far in his Christian walk. In those times of doubts, that healing was always an anchor for him that he could turn back to and know that God was real and loved him and healed him. As Larry shared, and I thought of myself, I thought, "God, how cool would it be if you did something similar in my life!" I felt God say, though not particularly clearly, "Go get prayer from the prayer team after the service."
Now atheists are quick to point out that anecdotal evidence for the existence of God (or anything else) is not valid as proof and they are correct. Our senses deceive us all the time. I'd heard lots of stories of healing, but they were all second hand accounts, and while I figured they were probably true, they left me wondering. A first hand experience with healing means so much more to me (though of course you as the reader only have a second hand account, sorry). I'd prayed for healings before with no success. I don't understand why God heals sometimes, and not at others. This is a particularly important time of my life though to have that anchor, so maybe that's reason for God to work this time.
I got up after the service and went for prayer with my arm still aching. Kim prayed for me for a few minutes, then stops and asks if it's better. I moved my shoulder all around and it suddenly didn't hurt anymore. I raised my arm over my head like I'd tried in the shower that morning and it didn't hurt at all. Upon further investigation I found that there were still some directions that invoked mild pain. It was like God rewound the shoulder back to it's status on Friday morning before it got serious. I don't really get that, but I can't complain. It was drastic enough and sudden enough of a change that I know it wasn't natural. I expected it to slowly fade of the course of the next week or 2. Maybe in some cases, pain goes away rather suddenly (and naturally), but that it would happen during the 3 minutes we prayed for it? Very suspicious.
I'm honestly not certain if this thought came from me or from God. Perhaps the lingering pain is a reminder to tell other people about it so the word gets out and this impacts other people too. Maybe after I've shared this where I needed to, the pain will leave entirely. Who knows? I don't claim to understand God entirely, nor healing. I would love to, but I don't.
I am so thankful to God this week. Place your trust in him. He is worth your everything.
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